New Poker Terms for the
Every activity has its own language, and poker is no different. Common terminology in poker includes words such as steamed, flop, tilt, etc. However, our language is constantly growing. Here are some suggested additions to the poker lexicon:
Alcohol Abuse (al-ko-hall-ah-buse): Alcoholic beverages spilled onto the table surface.
Asswipee (az-weep-ay): The guy who, after a hand is over, tells you how much better he would have played the hand you just lost.
Brunsonsome (brun-son-zome): The poker playing chromosome that passes from parent to offspring as with Doyle Brunson to Todd Brunson.
Carrier Monkey (care-ree-er mon-kee): A poker player that returns from the restroom so quickly that you know he didn’t wash his hands. See E-coligrit.
Despondenate (dee-spon-din-ate): The act of squandering an entire day’s poker winnings in fifteen minutes elsewhere in the casino. Also applies to losses by your spouse while waiting for you to finish playing.
E-coligrit (E-co-lie-grit): The disease ridden coating that gives poker chips that nicely “aged” look.
Elonginumerate (ee-law-gah-new-mer-ate): The act of adding numbers to the end of your preferred online poker nickname because someone is already using the one you wanted. For example: sexygirl88.
Esfandiphobia (es-fan-doh-fo-bee-ah): The fear of allowing Antonio Esfandiari or any professional magician to shuffle or deal at your home game.
Esposalfauxpax (es-po-sal-fo-paw): The act of making an ungentlemanly comment about a super-hot female approaching the poker table immediately before someone informs you she is his wife/girlfriend.
Eyeline (eye-line): The imaginary line defined by your eyeball and the cleavage of the woman playing across from you.
Fiboplic (fib-oh-plik): A poker player that constantly wows you with stories of his awesome poker skills, yet you have never actually seen him have a winning session.
Gaggit (gag-it): Any lame comment made as if no one has heard it before. Examples include, “Hey, we mucked your pocket aces while you were in the bathroom” and “I’ll play your cards for you while you’re gone.”
Glink (glink): The sound made by the all-in bet of your single remaining chip.
Hallucibet (hall-lu-see-bet): Any bet made because you think you have a specific hand but you do not. Example: You think you have a straight, but are missing the Jack.
Ignopause (Ig-no-paws): The amount of time that passes between making a gigantic bet and realizing you are horribly beat.
Laakaerobics (Lock-a-row-bicks): Any celebratory exercise activity, such as push-ups or dancing, performed in the vicinity of the poker table. Especially when wearing workout gear such as a hooded sweatshirt.
Loserwaltz (loo-zer-walts): The slow, painful exit of a player eliminated at the final table of a poker tournament. Usually involves some hand shaking and half hearted side-hugs.
Mikematucide (mike-ma-too-side): Playing superior poker for most of a tournament and then throwing away all your chips with a rookie play (especially in televised play).
Ngheimer (ing-hi-mer): The act of forgetting what hole cards you have after looking at Evelyn Ng’s cleavage.
Nicodick (nic-oh-dik): A person who knowingly sits down in a smoking area of the poker room and constantly complains about the smoke.
Nicosponge (nik-oh-spunj): A non-smoker sitting between two chain-smoking players.
Nxlplm (nix-ill-plim): An online poker nickname lacking enough vowels to make it pronounceable in any language. For example: fghr69.
Obscuriloan (obs-cure-a-lone): Money that you “know” you loaned to someone, but the borrower “knows” he repaid to you.
Obscurisult (obs-cure-a-sult): An insult made concerning your poker play that is so badly worded or nonsensical you don’t understand it.
Orphanhol (or-fan-hall): The orphaned drink order that arrives after the player who ordered it is busted out and leaves the table.
PDMR — Path of Danger and Much Regret (path-ov-dan-ger-an-much-re-gret): Upon leaving the poker room at a casino, the thirty-five foot long distance you have to walk before you get past the sports book. See Despondenate.
Pokaracter (po-care-ak-ter): The character played by professional players that is nothing like them in real life.
Pokernazi (po-ker-not-zee): The guy at your home game that is not the dealer or the host but has taken it upon himself to be in charge of all rules and regulations regarding the game. Has never actually read any rules of poker, but has learned from “experience” (television).
Pokerpause (po-ker-paws): The moment you realize that the “sucker” you were trying to identify at your table is actually you.
Progeniphobia (pro-gin-oh-fo-bee-ah): The fear held by many professional poker players that their children will pick up poker as a hobby or profession. See Brunsonosome.
Pseudoluck (sue-doe-luk): The bogus wish of luck your opponent extends during an all-in moment that really means “I hope you choke and die” just prior to the cards being dealt.
Santocontestant (san-toe-con-tes-tant): Any contestant in a poker game that is nicknamed after a deity. For example: Chris “Jesus” Ferguson.
Sploink (sploink): The amusing expression on your opponent’s face when you smack him down with the only hand that can beat his.
SPOC (spock): Steaming Pile of Congratulations. Any uttering of the phrase “nice hand” that really means something to the effect of “oh my God, you are such a donkey; how could you call me with that hand?”
Vanpattenanalysis (van-pat-ah-nal-la-sis): Any correct prediction of the outcome of a hand withheld until AFTER the hand is revealed (especially when the word “obviously” is used in the prediction).
– Richard Taylor invites everyone to send new poker terms to his email for future publication: GeorgiaPoker@comcast.net or to visit the Kick Ass Poker Forum and add your terminology!
– Copyright 2005, Richard Taylor
– Add your poker terminology in the KAP Forum.
*All submissions may be published in a book with proper reference given.